A snapshot of the artist as a young man

Somehow this film was good enough for me to get an interview at the North Carolina School of the Arts in 2003.  I wasn't good enough to get in, but I am kind of amazed that I got the interview.  I like about 75% of this short, everything but the "kick me" sign segment, which goes on way too long and other than the fake blood, I don't really enjoy it.  Still, here's something I was really proud of at the time, less proud of now, but it's enjoyable enough and it is quick enough.

Ugh, "R.N. Katschke Jr."  I know it was meant as a joke, but it just looks pretentious.

When the HOST becomes the GUEST

I am the worst at keeping my legion of fans up to date of my latest happenings.  To be honest, I don't think I have enough fans to qualify as a legion.  The minimum requirements aren't really spelled out and it isn't clear who I should consult for clarification regarding this matter.  It also seems like the sort of certification that would cost money and that I might cross paths with a well-dressed legion classification specialist who just turns out to be a regular ol' huckster who swindles me and ends up with three dozen US dollars that were originally in my possession.  

How long would I go thinking that I had a certified legion before it all came crashing down in the most embarrassing way possible?  That's right, I'm talking about a hypothetical Legion Ball, where members are awarded Legionnaires hats in honor of their status.  After failing to fit into my father's old tuxedo, I would end up spending a couple hundred dollars renting one for the gala and then worrying that I might spill something on it even though I'll pay the extra money beforehand for insurance that would cover any stains.  The tuxedo place would try to make me feel comfortable, but I wouldn't read the entire agreement and assume in my heart that there was some loophole that would force me to pay an ungodly amount of money for a minor marinara/artichoke dip/some other type of appetizer spill that causes the slightest stain.  If only this skepticism had been in place when I gave that legion certification specialist exactly thirty-six dollars.  He has to have other fake certifications he's selling, right?  There aren't enough people to just cater to this category alone.  If you're going to do this, you need to diversify your catalogue.  Why does the UK spelling of catalogue look so right to me and the Americanized catalog look so bad?

As my limo pulls up and I walk out with my beautiful wife onto the red carpet, we are immediately met by an event coordinator who asks for my name and legion status.  She has been working for months to make sure this night goes off without a hitch and now the check-in process has become so routine that she silently is questioning why she was working so hard and stressing out so much about the event.  After I give her my name and flash my certification card, she flips through the printout a few times and fails to see me listed.   I tell her to check under the letter C because sometimes there is a mixup about whether I'm a Kat or a Cat.  It isn't under that letter either and she starts to apologize and immediately contacts her assistant about a Rick Katschke.  She also spells it as Catschke.  I inform her that it might be under Richard and that the last name also might be misspelled as Katschkejr because suffixes were not made to last on their own in our modern digital world.

There's nothing, no indication that I am a welcome guest at the ball.  She takes a closer look at my certification card and then a tide of disgust rolls down her face.  She looks up and asks me if I think she's a fool.  I'm confused by this and immediately start apologizing because I think I've been impolite and while I don't know what I've done wrong, I'm most certainly sorry.  She loudly announces to the nearby officials, high profile guests also arriving and swarms of media that I am a fraud, a wannabe who came with fake credentials to try and hobnob with people so infinitely better than him.  Flashbulbs begin to blind me and my wife, as the event has a policy of "ONLY OLD-TIMEY CAMERAS ALLOWED".  I try to make sense of the situation, but before I can get any clarification, I am in handcuffs and being separated from my wife.  The event coordinator has rounded up all of the attendees that had made their way into the venue and now they are at the entrance, looking and laughing uproariously at me.  And it is a mean laugh, one that I hear forever...in prison, because I didn't know that the combined charges of trespassing and presenting fraudulent documents at a legion event are punishable by death.  My wife is able to plea bargain her way out of any sentencing, but in exchange, she has to provide testimony that reveals every insecurity I have about myself.  The judge agrees not to pursue the death penalty but only as long as every woman, man and child in North America be informed of my flaws and are required to inform future generations of my absolute foolishness.

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Back in October, I was a guest on Nick Schurk and Jake Mace's Second Hand News podcast.  I told a first hand story about cowardice. Check it out!

Eef Barzelay and Chris Otepka

A year ago, I went to a really bizarre concert.  Here's the review I wrote of it, unpublished until now!

Hiding in Riverwest is an intimate unmarked venue known as the Laundry Chute.  There are no signs for this spot, but it is right above the Soapies Laundromat off of Locust and Fratney.  While a secret password wasn’t required, the arrangement and protocol of the Laundry Chute was unclear for Saturday night’s show featuring Eef Barzelay and Chris Otepka.

Eef Barzelay is the lead man for the band Clem Snide but has also released two solo albums.  There’s practically no difference between his solo work and the band’s and in the past some of his solo shows have been billed as Clem Snide.  The biggest crossover into the mainstream Clem Snide had was when their song “Moment in the Sun” replaced the Foo Fighters’ “Next Year” as the theme song to the NBC series Ed.   Chris Otepka was a key part of the great band Troubled Hubble and now operates with his band The Heligoats.  Both men have nasally voices and a quirky songwriting style, so the fact that they now tour together should make their show akin to the Elton John/Billy Joel concerts in their subgenre of indie music.   

Apparently the Laundry Chute’s standard performance space is in an apartment living room, but on Saturday night this area was shifted to the roof of the neighboring Woodland Pattern Book Center.  However, it seemed like both Barzelay and Otepka were under the impression that they’d be performing at a function that was a little more established.  Through his website, Barzelay is a bit of a troubadour for hire, indicating his willingness to play at any venue desired by the booker.  However, that same eagerness was not on display Saturday night.

While their hearts didn’t seem like they were into playing, Barzelay kicked things off with a very brief set which included a cover of Bryan Adams “Summer of 69”.  Most of the songs played by Barzelay were unknown, presumably new songs which will appear on the future Clem Snide album Songs for Mary, which recently was funded on the popular Kickstarter website.  The highlight of Barzelay’s performance was his tongue-in-cheek statement that “this night will come to be known as the East Locust roof sessions in Rock and Roll history.”  He further expanded on this thought, explaining that a whole wing in the Hall of Fame in Cleveland would be dedicated to this performance.  After only five songs, Barzelay gave way to Otepka, making it appear like the two would bounce back and forth throughout the night.

Otepka played a select number of tracks from the Heligoats 2010 album Goodness Gracious, including the song “Heat Waves”, which was preceded by a rambling story about hiding during a party.  Otepka also played the song “Been a Drill” from the 2008 EP The End of All-Purpose, joking afterwards that the five-minute song was actually a rejected jingle he wrote for Benadryl allergy medicine.  After closing out on a high-note with his performance of the song “Fish Sticks”, Otepka deferred back to Barzelay seemingly offering Eef a chance to jump back in.  Instead Barzelay packed up his guitar and the two thanked the small crowd for coming.

Perhaps part of the reason why the two seemed so disinterested was based on fatigue.  They have been touring and in the past two days drove from Chicago to Minneapolis back to Milwaukee.  Still, even if the turnout and venue wasn’t what the two had hoped for, it seemed way too abrupt to have the night end after about forty minutes of music.  Part of the fault also should lie with the Laundry Chute.  In the past, Clem Snide has filled the seats of the Miramar Theater so there is a base of fans in the area.  Without signage even as simple as piece of paper with some marker on it, if fans did venture out to the address listed online, there’s nothing to clue people in that they are in the right place.  To their credit, the Laundry Chute was very welcoming towards those who came but it was still a bit awkward for those who weren’t regulars.

While Barzelay and Otepka’s rooftop performance won’t go down in the pantheon alongside the Beatles performing on top of Apple Studios or U2’s shoot for the “Where the Streets Have No Name” video, it was still an unforgettable evening for those in attendance.  It’s too bad that the actual show itself felt less like a concert and more like an in-store performance…or in the case of Saturday night, an on top of store performance.

CONSUMPTION OPTIONAL

Here's a taste of a video project of mine:

For more info, visit: http://consumptionoptional.blogspot.com/

Harry Potter and the Deathly Enemy Mine Hallows Pt. 2

I know the "face to face" design has been done on posters before, but what makes this remarkable is that Jeriba looks like Voldemort with a severe case of acne. What makes it extra special is that (SPOILER ALERT) Harry Potter raises Voldemort's son at the end of this film.

Alicia Keys Grew Up in Hell's Kitchen

While watching the NCAA tournament today, I saw this commercial for the first time:


It starts off with a classic Keys misdirection:
"I grew up in Hell's Kitchen. In one direction there was violence and crime (symbolized by ominous shadows closing in on a hopscotch court) and in the other: THE BRIGHT LIGHTS OF BROADWAY!"

Keys chose the latter and went on to create the song "Empire State of Mind". However, what would really kill her, worse than the violence and crime in Hell's Kitchen, is if you didn't hear the song EXACTLY how she intended it. Thankfully, the masterminds at Hewlett Packard have righted this once irreversible wrong much like Dr. Sam Beckett.

While murder, assaults, drug dealing and crime will continue in Hell's Kitchen, its residents now have an opportunity to hear Alicia at her purest. HP will make the song feel brand new and Alicia Keys will inspire you.

Relaunch

For a while, this place was known as the Katschke Hub and its role in the world was unclear. There was one blog post which announced that my audio program "Host and Guest" was now available for download. That was it. It was unsuitable.

So now, The Katschke Hub has become the Rick Katschke Media Empire (UPDATE: it's now the Catch-All Emporium, but I liked this post so I am keeping it up). I originally titled the relaunch The Katschke Media Empire, but I didn't want this place overrun with Judy Katschke fans wanting to discuss Eureeka's Castle and Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen books.

Judy, I welcome the opportunity to have a civil discussion with you about those subjects, but for someone who has to be related to me in some way (Katschke is more obscure than it is common), you have remained elusive. Impossible to track down. So for that, I had to clarify and add my first name to the title.

So what makes up this supposed Media Empire?

As of right now, there are two audio programs I produce:

1) "Host and Guest", in which I am joined by a cavalcade of comedians, musicians, filmmakers and entertainers for about a fifteen minute jaunt.

and

2) "The Robot Breakdancing Union Anthology", a musical series in which the band I have been in for over 8 years reflects and explains our vast catalouge of music. Andy Berman, Carl Habermehl and Mike Schmalz star along me in those programs.

I also have two new audio shows which will be launched very soon.

Furthermore, I wrote a novel titled "Mark Sanders' Tangential September" (http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/mark-sanders-tangential-september/6123477) which brings the fun back to reading!

I guess I'll put up links every time I do a new episode of the assorted programs, but the main objective of the RKME (I didn't plan on the abbreviation being so self-serving) is to have an official blog for prose and things I think are neat. And this is it!  (UPDATE: I decided to get rid of the Media Empire title since it bugged me how self-serving it was)

Now I just need to figure out what I should do with all these tote bags that have "The Katschke Hub" printed on them.